Parents constantly track 18-year-old college freshman's phone, expect him to be in bed by 10 PM every night: 'My mother called while I was out clubbing, and when I didn't pick up she called my school's police dispatch'

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Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Sep 2, 2024 6:00 PM EDT

College is one of the best times in a young person's life for one reason: freedom. When you're a kid, you are afforded very few freedoms. You cannot go wherever you want to go or do whatever you want to do. You must be home when your parents want you home, adhere to their rules, and be happy about it. Although that's an understandable hierarchical situation in hindsight, it doesn't make it any less of a bummer for the kid. 

When I first went to college, I was emboldened by my new freedom and did an extracurricular activity nearly every night of the week. I couldn't imagine how devastating it would be if my parents, living states away, tracked my location and told me I couldn't go to the humor magazine hangout at the late-night donut shop at 11 PM. That's exactly what these parents did in this story, and it's horrifying. 

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  • 01
    Cheezburger Image 10397365504
    via David Kennedy

    Photo does not depict the real subject in the story

  • 02
    r/college u/Sageshrub • 1d Parents constantly tracking me
    via u/Sageshrub
  • 03
    I am currently a freshman in college; my parents are extremely controlling but do pay for my tuition, for which I am incredibly grateful. However, they constantly track my location and this prevents me from being social in a healthy and sustainable way.
    via u/Sageshrub
  • 04
    For example, they stipulate that I must be in bed, in my dorm, by 10 every night. I have switched my location in Find My to my iPad, which I leave in my dorm, and I pause my location in Life 360 to get around this. Last night, my mother called multiple times while I was out clubbing, and when I didn't pick up she called my school's police dispatch and found out where I was. I believe that they pinged my
    via u/Sageshrub
  • 05
    phone. She then emailed my dean and wants me to withdraw from school. It was 12:45 on a school night and I had a 9:25 the next morning, but I woke up early and feel otherwise fine. Their controlling behavior makes me so anxious and depressed-- does anyone have any ideas on what I can do to finally get some peace?
    via u/Sageshrub
  • 06
    user22568899. 1d just leave your phone in the dorm when you go out. don't go out without a friend who has a phone in case something happens. buy a cheap prepaid phone to use for calls if necessary (like calling your friends if you lose them, or a trusted adult that isn't your parents)
    via u/user22568899
  • 07
    take some pics of yourself in bed in advance so if they ask for a photo before you're heading out you can send an old one i had a helicopter mom in high school and i ended up in pretty bad situations because i was more scared of her finding out where i was than something bad happening to me. just be safe and vigilant, and get a prepaid phone so you don't end up stranded and alone
    via u/user22568899
  • 08
    redrosebeetle • 22h Leave your phone in the dorm. Buy a cheap prepaid phone. Forward your calls when you're out.
    via u/redrosebeetle
  • 09
    ehh_surviving · 1d The dispatch told your parents where you were? If you're from the US, FERPA will prevent your college or the campus police from sharing any information with your parents. I'm an RA and have helped my residents deal with helicopter parents in the past but it's all dependent on their circumstances. Talking to your parents before anything else is a good idea.
    via u/ehh_surviving
  • 10
    ScarieltheMudmaid · 1d op has probably already signed an info waiver for the parents
    via u/ScarieltheMudmaid
  • 11
    Distinct_Village_87 • 22h Then OP should revoke said waiver -- but if parents are paying tuition, they might not like that and refuse to pay...
    via u/Distinct_Village_87
  • 12
    No_Boysenberry9456 • 1d Ferpa only protects educational records. Nothing to do with a wellness check.
    via u/No_Boysenberry9456
  • 13
    higheredlady ⚫ 18h Not true. FERPA expert here and spent over 20 years working in student service roles, including emergency response. FERPA absolutely covers such circumstances and even if a student does sign a waiver, it does not compel any staff or faculty member to disclose any information. A parent going to a Dean is not going to do anything. In this case, unless the student has violated a code of conduct, the Dean will only refer the parents back to the student to resolve their dynamic.
    via u/higheredlady
  • 14
    O.P.: As difficult as it might be, you need to have a conversation with your parents about boundaries. You will need to have this conversation multiple times. Try to get to the root of the problem. Is it is trust issue based on previous behavior on your part? It is because they are paying for it and see it as helping to ensure their ROI? Do they not yet see you as an adult? Are they having a hard time letting go? Did they do this with your other siblings and think this is normal behavior? All th
    via u/higheredlady
  • 15
    Sending a child off to college presents new challenges for parents. Some cope well, others don't. As hard as it might be, try to be the adult in the situation and try to help them understand that this is the next step towards adulthood, including having some independence.
    via u/higheredlady
  • 16
    PerspectiveCloud • 1d If it makes you feel any better, I enlisted in the Marines when I was 18. Jumped out of planes. Carried explosives. The whole 9 yards infantry experience. Felt pretty uhh... "adult" to me, if you will. I still got the same helicopter parent experience you are going through, once I got out and attended college. The tracking is sickening. It's unfair that parents try to subject their kids to measures that didn't even exist back in their youth. I don't really have advice for y
    via u/PerspectiveCloud
  • 17
    datahoarderguy70 • 1d This sounds like a trust issue. Either they trust you to be responsible and suffer the consequences if you are not or they don't trust you at all. Either way you need to have a conversation with them and explain that you are an adult now and should be able to make decisions for yourself without their input or oversight.
    via u/datahoarderguy70
  • 18
    Americanairlines737 • 19h The, "I'm an adult" argument gets thrown out the window when your parents still pay for your stuff and put a roof under over your head. IMO, he just needs to have a genuine conversation about living his life and expressing his feelings but saying that he's an adult and can make his own decisions won't really work lol
    via u/Americanairlines737
  • 19
    mgraces 1d • I'd rather go into debt to pay for school myself than live my life around their rules like that. Thats just ridiculous
    via u/mgraces
  • 20
    chantal k 1d . this is actually scary
    via u/chantal__k
  • 21
    btiddy519. 1d I'm one of the only parents I know that does not track their children. I never have (since they got phones age 9) and never will. It feels like an invasion of their privacy and them having individual feelings as a person. I don't want anyone tracking me, so inherently understand why that's such an invasive thing. I have nothing to hide, and I'm sure neither do they. My now 19 yo doesn't tell me where he goes, ever. But I TRUST HIM. My college senior has told me about all nighters a
    via u/btiddy519
  • 22
    What the are these parents going to do if their kid gets in trouble? How would they even know? It's just for their sick interest and invasion of privacy. Actually I think that their kids are more likely to go to dangerous places because "mom would know where I am if I got in trouble". No, I don't see how it works that way. Maybe I'm missing something, but virtually all parents nowadays are very wrong to track their children, no matter what age they are.
    via u/btiddy519

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surveillance university bad parenting college student problems bad parents parenting dad parent mom Parenting Fail college college student parents Parenting FAILS freshman
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